I know….I know. I might be a little late to this whole Tom’s craze…but I’m pretty sure there are others out there who don’t even know what I’m talking about yet. They have the famous tag line: “One for One: With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need.”
Initially what drew me in was the fact that they just looked so comfortable, much like Sanuks but much more stylish. I just always felt like I could only wear Sanuk’s with rugged shorts on my way to the beach. But Tom’s are just as comfortable, plus, like in their tag line, by buying a pair, you’re helping out a child in need. So, why not try one for yourself?
You can purchase a pair at any Nothing But H20 Store in Metro Manila: Alabang, Robinson’s Galleria, Trinoma, Glorietta 3 or Swim at Rockwell.
So, as you can tell from my last post, that it’s been awhile since I’ve updated this. So…here I am, more inspired than before and starting fresh.
Let’s start with the new concept, the new vision for this tiny little blog, shall we? I’ve recently realized that there are very few blogs out here that really cater to young men, fashion, technology, design and all that other good stuff. And I thought, since this market seems like a fairly scarce one, why not enter it and see where I end up?
So this blog will not only contain my randomness, but it will also highlight some of the fashion, technology and design aesthetics of a Young Metro Manila Guy.
Enjoy!
The first decade of the millenium has come and gone as we ring in the new year. I’m excited to see what 2010 has to offer me and the rest of the world. I’m sure it’s going to be an incredible ride whether good or bad.
2009 came with many blessings and many misfortunes. People came and people went whether I wanted them to or not. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by family and friends this past year. Many times, my relationships with them were tested, some failed but I’m happy to say most survived any distress. My family and I have become closer though we are now separated by an entire ocean. Though they are halfway around the world, I can still feel their support and their love as I made decisions that either made me or ripped me apart. They are the constant in my life that I know I can rely on no matter what.
My relationships with my friends this past year can be described as an array of heartfelt emotions. One of the friends I considered my closest friend had gone from my life. I always watched out for this one…let’s call him Best. I knew that I cared for this one a lot and I wanted to make sure that Best was always safe and that Best knew that I would always be there. This person made me smile more than anyone this past year. Those little text messages, the smile, and the laugh trips; those are things I will never forget.
I distanced myself from some of my friends choosing to face a lot of my troubles on my own to prove to myself that I don’t need them all the time. I needed to know that I wasn’t resting on my laurels. It brought me to the brink of total destruction as I made decisions that would in the end bring about a very close demise. Thankfully, before I dove into the deep end, my closest friends and allies were there to back up without me having to ask for their help. They were there regardless of my attempts to keep them shut out from my life.
A lot of my past also came back into the picture this past year. Two of the people who affected me the most in the past was thrust into my life once again. It was sudden and it was unexpected. I was not optimistic that things would turn out well. I assumed that we could never get back the relationships we used to have. But looking back now, I see that we became even closer to each other than we ever have before. #2 and I became close friends; something I didn’t know could happen. #1 and I were finally at peace and I didn’t realize that we could be closer than we already were and that we could get to know each other up to the level that we know each other now. I’m glad that we have become even more comfortable with each other.
But with all the fortunes I had with the people around me, there were misfortunes that struck my family, my friends and I. The storm “Ondoy” hit us like we never expected it to. Manilenos alike never saw it coming. We were far too occupied with our petty lives to even imagine such a thing could devestate us so. I for one have never experienced such disaster let alone know so many people who went through the exact same things. I used to just watch the news about such tragedies and think to myself, “that’s sad” without really fully understanding the impact that it had on the peoples’ lives. Now I know how it feels.
Now it’s time for a new year. Let’s let go of the past, learn from our mistakes and live our lives to the fullest. Let’s welcome change into our lives and open our minds to new experiences that could make us better people.
I’m ready for 2010 and I can’t wait to see what it has to offer. Come and join me on this roller-coaster ride. 
A lot of people wonder why it is that they are always getting hurt. They ask themselves why fate has been cruel and has thrown them a destiny full of pain and sorrow. There’s only one answer to this soliloquy-type question. The reason that we get hurt is because of that one choice that we make. This is the one choice that we seem to forget we made on our own free will after someone has shattered our hearts into thousands of tiny pieces.
We make a choice to be with someone, and sometimes it’s not a popular choice. It’s not a popular choice with family, and friends and sometimes even your own conscience and yet, this is the choice we decide to make. What I’m talking about is the leap of faith we take when we decide that we are going to invest our whole into one person. Most of the time, deep inside we know that this person is not going to do us any good and yet, we dive into love obscurity. We get lost in the many moments that make it seem like everything is perfect and nothing could go wrong. Then one day, as per the many predictions of your friends, family and your own head, the worst happens. You get hurt.
Though it may be true that it was the person who hurt you or did the deed that broke your heart, but in essence, the reason you got hurt was because of the choice that you made. We are the ones who decide to be in a relationship with another person with no assurance that it will lead to happy moments toting a picnic basket skipping under the warm rays of the summer sun. We may not realize it at the time, but all those giddy moments and the butterflies in the stomach manifest into a feeling of utter emptiness.
We choose to be in them because we want to feel that feeling; the feeling of falling in love. And in those moments, we ignore the signs around us that inform us of the dangers that we will soon encounter. I may sound like a bitter broken-hearted pessimist, but I’m just giving you the harsh truth. We need to hear it as often as possible.
This is a warning for those who are afraid of getting hurt. You have to make a choice. Either you decide that you are willing to risk getting hurt to experience those “moments” of love OR you decide to pass on what could be the love of your life to salvage your mending heart.
I’m not telling anyone to choose the latter and pass on that potential true love, but rather make sure that you are prepared once you dive into that decision and know that it can go either way. We need to be prepared and we need to be ready if and when the time comes that we are going to get hurt.
Personally, I choose to take that dive. You never know where you’re going to end up. J
No matter what you want to call it, Ketsana internationally or Ondoy, for Pinoys, the storm that has just passed through the Philippines was devastating and incredibly destructive. I cannot speak for the Filipinos who have experienced such tragedies in their lives in the past, I myself have never experienced such a stressful ordeal, but I can say that it left me flabbergasted.
In a way, it opened up my eyes to a lot of things that used to elude me in the past. Prior to this storm, I would see news clips and videos of storms, typhoons and hurricanes hitting several places all over the world. I sit there in front of my TV screen, thinking to myself, “Gosh…that’s sad.” But really, I never knew what it actually felt to be there, suffering. Actually, I still don’t. But it’s a lot closer to home than I’d hoped.
I was one of the lucky few who was saved from having to brave the floods, the raging under-currents, the mud, the dirt and the pain-staking hunger others had to survive. Before I could even get near my place, the roads were being closed due to the amount of water that was starting to rise. I spent my weekend in Ortigas and Pasig. Sunday night, I spent over at my friends place in Quezon City. I didn’t get home until Monday morning.
The way home was eerie. You can see the marks on the buidlings showing you how high the water level got at some places. The traffic was worse than ever, and yet I couldn’t feel it. There were people outside without shoes, slippers. They were wearing tattered clothes and were holding on to each other with a look of longing in their eyes. I couldn’t imagine what it was they were thinking.
My best friend and I stopped to visit our friends who were stranded for over 24 hours without food. The last we heard from them was Saturday night. They were staying on top of a Jeepney because the water had risen that high. Their efforts to try and walk through the flood was futile. The water was taller than most of them and the under-current was growing increasingly strong.
On the way to my friends house, you can see the destruction it left. Garbage, more than normal anyway, was scattered all throughout the streets. There was mud everywhere and remnants of what looked like household furniture was in the middle of the road, probably swept off from the dwellings nearby.
My friends encountered their story to me and my best friend and we were in utter shock at the events that they had to go through. They had to climb and stay the night on the roof of a covered basketball court in the area. They said there were kids as young as 1 yr. old that they had to help to get there, whilst others were just watching in anticipation. For hours they waited for somebody to rescue them, trying to contact who they could and then eventually all of their cell phone batteries died.
Food was scarce and they had to share what they had. When bags of chips would float by, they would swim for it and share it with the rest. One guy, Joff, said that it seemed as though they were playing out a disaster movie. One of the things they said that moved me and really struck a chord, was that the fact that they were there was both a curse and a blessing, because of they weren’t there, what would happen to those who could not help themselves get to safety. Heroes, that’s what these people are.
I eventually got to Cainta after waiting an hour or so through the traffic and waiting for any vehicle to drive me there. Once there, I opted to walk rather than to commute straight to my place. When I got off, I could barely recognize the place. A bustling market became a ghost town. All the roads were filled with mud, some areas had a fowl stench that I was hoping came from garbage rather than from bodies.
As I walked home, I decided to try and visit the relatives that were nearby. For some odd reason, my family is extremely tight and like to stay in a very close vicinity towards each other. Houses that have never been flooded before now were in ruins. The clean up efforts at my cousins’ place were just beginning. There was no running water, no electricity, no signal on our phones(which would have been useless anyway since all the phones were dead). At my cousins neighborhood, the water level went as high as above people’s heads. I couldn’t imagine having been there all weekend.
This storm really scared the lving life out of me. I couldn’t contact my friends or family. My family back in Canada, my mom and dad were frantic to try and get a hold of me or anyone for that matter. The feeling that you weren’t in control really took over and it was the scariest feeling I have ever felt. Not knowing what the outcome would be, not knowing who’s safe and who’s not, being in the dark as to what was happening around you; I felt nothing but trepidation.
Now, I realized that these events don’t discriminate. They don’t just hit the lowly provinces. They don’t just hit the poor and the homeless. They don’t just target a specific group of people. They can and they will affect anyone. I learned that this past weekend and am still learning it today.
We all need to start living our lives to the fullest. We should look at the world in a positive light and master and conquer our true potential.
To those who are furious and are on the hate campaign right now, I know that I cannot even assume to understand your frustrations. But, let’s stop looking at who’s to blame for not being prepared for this storm, or not having the resources to prevent all the deaths and misplaced families. Rather, let’s look on to the future on how we can solve the problem that the storm has left for us to deal with. Let’s prepare for any future storm and make certain that we are ready when Mother Nature crosses our paths again. Let’s leave irrelevant discussion of somebody’s facebook comment to simpletons. Let’s help each other out, fix the problem and prepare for the future. This is the only way to progress and grow and move on from such a calamity.
Please donate to the victims of the storm. To donate to the Philippine National Red Cross via text message:
Just type “RED <space> <amount>” then send to 2899 for Globe and 4483 for Smart. Valid denominations are 5, 25, 50, 100 and 300.
You have to see this for yourself. This is Sam Tsui, just one person singing a 5 part harmony. It’s all thanks to his producer Kurt Schneider.
He is incredible. This is his take on the Glee casts rendition of the Journey classic “Don’t Stop Believing.”
I always ask people what super power they would choose if they had the chance of having it bestowed upon them. It’s one of the many hypothetical questions I just love to ask. People think I just ask it to be annoying, but really, their answers tell me a lot about their personality and whether or not I would jive with someone. It also tells me if they put thought into the things they say.
There are some who make the obvious choices; flight, invisibility, super strength and so on. And there are those that make the more thought provoking choices which usually come with a drawn out explanation of why they chose it; teleportation, mind-control, going back and forth in time, etc.
Ever since, I’ve always had the same answer. The one superpower I would love to have is telekinesis. Moving things with your mind is just way too cool. Plus, you could play with people’s heads because they have no idea what’s going on, and because I was a lazy child. haha.
Today though, for the first time in all of the times that I’ve asked this question, I answered differently when I was asked the question. I said I wished that I could be in two places at once. I have no idea where the thought came from. But it seemed like such a good super power for me. Imagine being able to do so many different things and having so many great experiences if you could be at two places at once.
You would meet twice the people, make twice as many friends, drink twice as many, go to twice as many parties. I mean the list goes on and on. It’s incredible. Especially with my dillema right now, it would be extremely helpful.
Then someone stopped me short, being the negative git that he was. He told me to think about twice the pain I could feel, twice the mistakes I could make, twice the stress and so forth.
What a party pooper. 
Addendum:
So, this is the reply most worthy of re-posting…this was from Ryan Oxby:
“I’ve given this issue some thought, and I’d totally pick not needing sleep
as a power.
Imagine the doors that would open. You’d double your useful time on this earth.
You’d have time to do everything you always said you’d do if you only had time
for it. Plus, it’d cure my insomnia.”
-Mr. Ryan Oxby
——————-
-JP
The phone I am using is an outdated, supper crappy, and ancient cell phone. This was the first phone that I have ever bought in the Philippines and was to serve as a secondary phone. The reason why this is the one I have been using is because I’m scared to buy and invest in a new phone.
Reason being is that I have had 4 different phones stolen from me and I only possessed these phones for a few months or less. The most daunting being the Samsung G800 which at the time was the only phone to boast a 5-megapixel camera. I lost it only after two months of having used it. It was stolen from me while I was sound asleep from my place during the Tropical Storm Frank.
Anyway, because of this, I have been so scared to get a new phone. And since this phone, th Motorolla L7i has been the first and the only phone that seems to be un-steal worthy, I decided it was safe to stick to this phone. After all, it still did the functions that I really “needed” from a phone. It made calls and I can create text messages. I don’t use any of the other functions on the phone.
But now, I want an upgrade. I’m sick of not being able to check my email when I want, or taking pictures using it, or listening to music using one device. The only question I have now is which phone do I get and are these phones a good enough investment?
I mean, I for one know that technology is the worst investment one can make because it changes very quickly. New technologies and ideas come about everyday and the old gadgets get phased out in a matter of a few months.
So, I’m trying to consider my options in a logical and fiscal manner. I need a phone that can do the tasks of a phone, and hopefully others, and yet still be a sound investment. I don’t want to buy a phone that I can feel that in a few weeks a new version will come out that’s better and cheaper.
I’m looking at a few phones right now. The first one being the Nokia N97 (27,500PHP). The others are the Blackberry Curve 8520 (19,900PHP), Blackberry Bold (26,300PHP) or the Blackberry Storm 9530 (22,900PHP). I’m also thinking of the Nokia E71 (14,900PHP) and the Samsung Omnia (19,800PHP).
You might be wondering why I don’t have the iPhone up in that list. Well, it’s because of a few reasons. One, it’s so damn expensive. Two, I don’t really see what the hype is all about. Three, I’m not the iPhone kind of guy(touchscreen only will not do). And finally, I am not allowed. Yes, I cannot get it because it’s supposed to be for him. Boo.
Anyhow, tell me what you think. Here are a few pics of the phones that I’m looking to get.
INTERESTING CONVERSATION
**taken from Aldrich Lim’s Multiply.
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy speaks to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, The ALMIGHTY.
He asks one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to Help Others who are ill.
But GOD didn’t.
How is this GOD Good then ? Hmm ?
( Student is silent )
Professor : You can’t answer, can you ?
Let’s start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That’s right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this World ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ?
And GOD did make Everything. Correct ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
( Student does not answer )
Professor : Is there Sickness ? Immorality ? Hatred ? Ugliness ?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don’t they ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
( Student has no answer )
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD ?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD ?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD ?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter ?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist.
What do you say to that, son ?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes. Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat ?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold ?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn’t.
( The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events )
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don’t have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can’t go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
( There is Pin - Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor ? Is there such a thing as Darkness ?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn’t Darkness ?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something.
You can have Low Light, Normal Light , Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light Constantly, you have Nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it ?
In reality, Darkness isn’t.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn’t you ?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is Flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how ?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can’t even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life : just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you Teach your Students that they Evolved from a Monkey ?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir ?
( The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor,
are you not Teaching your Opinion, sir ?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher ?
( The Class is in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever Seen the Professor’s Brain ?
( The Class breaks out into Laughter )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever Heard the Professor’s Brain, Felt it, Touched or Smelt it ? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that
you have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir ?
( The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable )
Professor : I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . .
the Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Moving & Alive.
NB:
I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so . . .
you’ll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won’t you ? . . .
Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH
It turned out later that the student is Albert Einsten
This weekend I had a really good conversation with some new friends. After a few equations solved here and there, we put our books away and just got to talking. Someone brought up losing someone and never being able to see them again after having breaking up and stuff. Mark was saying that for him, the hardest thing, what hurt the most for him was breaking up with his girlfriend and never having the chance to see her again. It hurt him not to know how she was doing and whether or not they could still be friends or even still be together. Mark’s ex-girlfriend is now in the US.
Janine said that what hurt the most for her is seeing the person she loved with somebody else. Jose said that the feeling that the person you love has moved on and you haven’t is what hurt the most. It’s like they were able to forget about you and yet you can’t sleep without having dreams about them.
Those are all quite true. Everything they said was true. It all hurts. But for me, what hurts the most, is having the chance of something great, screwing that up, and everyday having to be reminded that what you used to have together will never be again. Having to see that person that you love everyday, having to talk to them everyday, and knowing that their feelings are no longer there. They’ve moved on and everyday you’re reminded of that. You try to let go and yet because they are there, not knowing how much pain they cause you just by their utter presence, you can’t.
You struggle to find the means to move on. Look away and try to involve yourself with other things. They think you’ve moved on too. They’re wrong of course.
That’s what hurts the most. Being with the person you love almost every day and not being able to say how you feel, not being able to express how you feel for fear of how they would react. They are part of your everyday, yet they are not part of you. You stay friends and not more than that. Everytime they flash that smile towards you, you don’t know how to react. They ask for a favor, you do all that you can to please them. You try to impress them, in hopes that they’ll notice. But in reality, you lost your window of opportunity. It’s come and gone. It was a once in a lifetime deal and you screwed it up. And everyday, the forces that work around you throw it at your face.
Whoever it may be that works the forces of love must be vindictive. They aim to either please you or to hurt you. So to whoever is controlling the lines of love, let me tell you this. You’ve succeeded. You’ve succeeded in making me love like I have never before and now you are succeeding in making me hurt like I’ve never have.
This is more painful than a knife through the chest. This is a constant pain, a needle that slowly but surely is piercing through my lonely heart. It carves a niche and never lets go. It’s torture.
I hope one day, I too can move on like you have. I wish I too can feel nothing when I see you. I wish that the thought of you doesn’t bring back memories so diffcult to let go.
-JP
Everyday, we are thrust into situations wherein we are required to make decisions, solve problems and make choices. Sometimes they can be small, seemingly irrelevant things, such as “should I wear blue or red today?” or if you are trying to decide whether you will be having beef or chicken for dinner. Other times though, situations call for us to make tough choices. These are the choices that either take us an extremely long time to make or those choices in which we are required to make in a short amount of time without being able to create a rational thought about our decisions.
Regardless of what type of decision it comes down to, seemingly irrelevant or vitally important, the decision is still ours to make. Sometimes I wonder why we are given such power. It’s an extremely powerful thing, decisions, choices. It makes me wonder if we are qualified enough to make the decisions we are required to make.
Lately, I’ve been required to make decisions not only for myself, but choices that will affect other people. That’s a scary thing for me. For others, it’s very easy to make decisions that will alter other people’s lives. Not for me. I am one of those people who thinks twice before making a decision for myself, let alone making decisions that will affect others. Every decision I have made usually has a lot of thought put into it. Rarely do I make choices without having gone through a pro/con list either on paper or in my head. One of the most drastic choices I made in life which affected not only myself but many others as well was my decision to move to the Philippines. It was a choice I made rushed; in less than a week.
Could you imagine? This is a choice that will affect my education, my social life, my career, my future. And yet, I decided to make it a snap decision.
The main reason why I made such a hasty decision was that it was a time in my life that I felt like I was stuck. I needed to either do this or remain stuck where my mind, my whole self was at the time. So, I did it.
But now, the decisions I have to make have to be calculated. They have to be based on sound judgment, they have to be concise, with full knowledge of all the benefits and consequences such a decision would create. And even more so than the rest, I have to make sure that I have thought about its short and long term effects.
I’m not a child anymore, as much as I’d like to fight it. I’m now an adult with adult decisions. Being in the position that I am also makes me liable for the choices I make. It’s a matter of doing the right thing sometimes and wanting to please others.
As a professional, I have been called many things. Some have called me an emotional decision maker, others have called me biased, others deem me impartial and many more have labeled me cold and heartless in my decision making processess.
I think about what they say, sometimes. But most of the time, the decisions I make are sound and just. Yes, there are times, like others said that it may be slightly biased, it may have been made with some emotion or rather. But let’s be honest and fair, I’m only human and those are human characteristics.
Regardless what people say though, I always tend to stick to my decisions, employing those pros and cons, and after having had deliberations with people that I find the most influential people in my life today or have been in the past. They are usually the ones outside of the situation. They are people who I know will give me an outsider’s look on the situation. I rely on them so much, sometimes I believe it’s a good thing, but my dad always taught me to make sure that at the end of it all, the decision is mine.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. That’s all I have to say now. I mean, read that. This is the worst writing I’ve done ever. EVER.
I just need some time away. Away from everything. Choices. haaaay. Choices. urgh. lol. I’m letting out some frustration, obviously.
The End. (…of this blog post, but not of the frustration.)
I used to tell people, “Coffee is bad for you.” And yet, here I am realizing that I have more coffee fixes than most people I know. I’m one of those people who doesn’t have any addictions. There’s really nothing that I crave and need on a daily basis other than the necessities of life. Well, at least that’s what I used to think, until today.
Today, I realized that I’m addicted with coffee, with caffeine. Although, I must say, I have an extremely sensitive and choosy palette when it comes to caffeinated drinks. I cannot just drink any random cup of coffee, mind you. It’s got to be a certain way, or a certain flavor, otherwise, I might as well not drink it. I don’t think it’s necessarily needs to be expensive, although it does seem that way, really it just needs to be satisfyingly good.
Starbucks of course is my choice for coffee in the Philippines. Back home, in Canada, it was Tim Horton’s. Timmy Ho’s was just amazing for me and a French Vanilla flavored coffee is what I needed most of the time. In Starbucks, I only order one type of hot beverage. That’s a Grande Hazelnut Caramel Macchiatto. It’s delightful. haha. Delightful? Yes. It is. And I can tell you now, that I have been frequenting starbucks almost daily this month. I don’t know why but I just really need it. It’s not even a matter of wanting to have a drink, but rather, really just having to have it. It’s sick really.
I walk by a coffee shop, any, and I walk in trying to find a really good hot cup of coffee. Weird. I used to hate hot drinks. I have a very sensitive tongue and my sense of touch everywhere else is quite senstive as well. So hot drinks are just too much for me. I don’t even like to order soup. Before, I used to put ice in hot drinks like tea and coffee just so I can drink it. That’s when I started to love all those SB frapps and iced drinks. But lately, instead of ordering my cup of caramel macchiatto iced, I order it hot. It takes me a while before I can actually drink it, but when I do, I just feel so good afterwards. It’s as if all my anxiety goes away.
And I seem to have a lot of anxiety lately. So here’s to Starbucks! Cheers!
VolunTourism. This isn’t the first time that I have heard of the concept of “voluntourism”, but this is the first time I have heard it been given a name. It’s an enthralling concept that changes how I view vacations and tourism as a whole. Why just lie on the beach for an entire weekend, when you can spend just a few hours of that weekend being part of beach clean-up with other volunteers? Not only are you giving yourself time away from the big city, but you’re also giving back to Mother Nature in all its glory. And trust me, I have done a lot of volunteer work in junior high, high school and in university, and it’s definitely some of the most rewarding moments of my life.
It’s a great feeling knowing that there are people who are so appreciative of the work you did, and that it changed the life of others for the better. That feeling that someone gives you when they give you the biggest grin as they say thanks and shake your hand or give you a hug are priceless moments and can never be replaced by money or material things. It’s priceless because you know that their thanks and their appreciation are drowning in sincerity.
I used to volunteer at children camps or children and family related volunteer opportunities. I had a great childhood and upbringing and it became clear to me that I wanted to impart the type of childhood that I had to those who had it rough in life as a kid. Every year at Christmas, I used to volunteer at No-Ka-Oi Ranch for less fortunate children. We would give them a Christmas party, great food, offer arts and crafts, fun and games and of course give them a chance to receive gifts that they would normally not be able to have. Another Christmas favorite of mine was called Operation Christmas Child. It served to provide gifts to less fortunate children around the world. People are asked to send in toys, clothes, and other things to send to others in developing countries. They put them in a shoebox and we wrap ‘em and send it on it’s way.
I want to be able to go back and do that and I think that VolunTourism is definitely the way for me to fulfill my urge to travel as well as wanting to do some change for the better.
I got the idea from an article in Garage Magazine. It’s a bi-monthly magazine, dubbed as the “The Modern Guy’s Guide to Style”, and for me it’s the Philippine equivalent of the International magazines, GQ or Details. I wouldn’t say it’s up to par with Esquire but for the Philippines, I could say that it’s the top Men’s Magazine.
The latest issue, which has Piolo Pascual on the issue, talks about a project of Hands on Manila and Coffee A.I.D.. Volunteers travelled to the Cordiellera region in Atok, Benguet. They were part of a coffee cherry harvesting activity and coffee tree planting on the mountains of Atok. The experience seems like such a rewarding one and I can’t wait until I get to experience the same.
For more information on Hands on Manila or Garage Magazine, just visit the following sites:
Hands on Manila Foundation
Garage Magazine
-JP
Sometimes, I have this feeling that I can achieve so much more. And well, today it occured to me that I can. I have never had troubles getting exactly whatever it is I wanted. For some odd reason, everything came oh so easily for me. Luck seems to find it’s way whenever I needed it the most. People always talk about tragedies that have happened in their lives. They talk of the struggles of growing up, the struggles of fitting in, the struggles of finding work, the struggles of paying for school, paying for this and that. It’s just now that I realized that I have it extremely lucky. I am one of those people who complain about stupid things and then realize later on how petty it really was. I mean, it’s true, I admit it. I am a whiner. I whine all the time about the most random, insignifcant thing that pops into my head. Perhaps it annoys people. It would annoy me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as of this moment, I have not proven anything to myself or the world. While others have risen from poverty, others have faced discrimination, friends have talked of sorrows of their lost loved ones, and families that have been torn apart. From left to right, I am surrounded by people who have proven time and time again that they can persevere through the hardships that they may face. I haven’t faced any hardships, none that are note-worthy, anyway.
I’m not saying I haven’t achieved a lot. I think I’ve achieved plenty for a young age of 22, but I just don’t feel as though I have proven I can stand up there with those that have had obstacles along the way. Throughout my school years, I never had any struggles academically or when it came to friends. I always had top marks, went on to take the IB program. That was a struggle, yes, probably my most difficult times academically, but I saw it through. When I look back at it though, all I can think of was that it was just high school.
Friends came and they went. I had a number of them and so I didn’t mind. I never really had someone who left me and thought, wow, that’s devastating. I understood that people change as time goes by. And in turn, everytime I lost touch with someone, I gained two more. I never had the awkward phase that many people claim they had in school. That stage where they felt as though they were a loner, or unpopular.
With my family life, I’m blessed. I have two loving parents both dedicated in making sure that their kids’ futures are set. I have a brother who is forgiving, two sisters who keep me grounded despite it all. They’re all supportive of the decisions I make and are there to tell me off when they know that I’ve done something wrong. I couldn’t ask for more from them. They have given me everything, their patience, their love, their care, and their unending support for the choices, although unpopular, that I have made within these past few years.
My mother was willing to let me live in a foreign country, well, foreign to me anyway, and spend the first two years of my twenties away from them. My father has bought my tickets to and from Calgary each time I decide I want to travel and leave. They are always there financially when I need it. Sometimes, I don’t need it, I just want it. Heck, I lie, most of the time I don’t need it and yet they still provide for me financially. I need to stop.
Some people paid for their own education. I got through because of scholarships and parents’ money. Some people pay for their own housing, throughout university, my parents paid for my dorm, my meals, my books, my tuition and my allowance. Now, I live at the family home in the Philippines and my parents had paid for the electricity, the water, the food, the phone bills, the internet and all that good stuff. Although, to my credit, lately, I have been paying for most of my own things.
I am not like others who have had to save money to get by. I’ve always been the type to have it when I need it. And people have told me that I’m fiscally irresponsible. I agree with them 100%.
My health has been impeccable. I’ve never even had a broken bone before. I have no disabilities, or abnormalities that deter me from doing things that I want and need to do. I can up and do whatever I want when I want.
There is no despair in me. Maybe that’s why people see me as cold-hearted sometimes. I just don’t understand where they’re coming from and why they feel the certain way that they do. Sometimes when people tell their stories of dismay and troubles, I tend to hush up because I don’t know the right way to react. I also admit that sometimes it’s not a matter of “I don’t understand” but rather of “I don’t care”. I know that seems harsh, but I’m just giving you the harsh truth.
Perhaps after I’ve gone through something that will really change my life, something that will really alter the face of my reality. Perhaps that will be the time that I can feel what others feel. Maybe that’s when I will appreciate the value of friendship and comraderie. It may even be the time that I appreciate the value of money.
Although I don’t wish myself any hardship, though I’m sure no one lives without it, I just hope that one day I too can confident in saying that I have surpassed an extremely difficult obstacle in my life. I want to be able to tell people that I’m not just good, but rather, I’m BETTER.
You expect so much from me. Who do you think you are anyway? I know that you’re asking me because you know I will most likely say yes to you. Why? I have no clue. But you know it. You know for a fact that I would most likely do whatever it is that you ask me to do regardless if I never would have done it for anyone else.
Yes. You know it. You’re special. And I know that you’re so confident with that fact. Anytime I get mad, you don’t give a damn because you know the next day, that I will just forget about it because you’re special. I admit that you hold a special place in my heart, however tacky that sounds, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll allow you to go around taking advantage of it.
I cannot give you everything, not the way I did then. I won’t let myself give everything, I get frustrated at the fact that I even give anything at all. I shouldn’t. I tell myself I won’t. But, alas, all my efforts are for naught. But I am telling you now that I am not the same person I was before. I learned from my mistakes. And I feel that what I’m planning to do now, what I’m doing for you, will be a mistake.
I want to trust you. Honestly, I trust you more than I do anyone else that I know. But I cannot rely on this trust because it comes from a place I’m not comfortable dealing with. So, I’m always on the defensive now. I’m not letting myself trust you, because I know what the outcome will be. I will just fall flat on my face, upset with myself with the mistakes I’ve made.
I’m sorry. I know you’re frustrated at me to, at the fact that I can’t give you what you want. But you need to understand where I’m coming from. I don’t know if you ever will. Either the time will come or the time will pass that the both of us trust each other again, believe in each other again. That is not today. I’m sorry, but you expect so much.
It’s frustrating when you can’t tell people how you really feel, when you can’t express that voice inside that’s dying to tell the whole world the secret it’s being forced to keep. Sometimes, there’s nothing anyone can do but stare into the sky, longing. We long for those days when it’s out in the open and you don’t care what that someone thinks, or what they will do when they find out. It seems like such a fantasyland though, and really all you can do is dream. We dream of that place where everything is alright. The place where both of you are happy and it doesn’t matter what everyone else is thinking about or what others want to say about it.
I used to be there. I want to go back to that place. I miss it.
People say that “bad publicity is better than no publicity at all”, I used to think that too. But I’m at that point that I’ve had enough of it. I want to be able to go up to someone and have a great conversation without people thinking that I was dating them. I want to be able to go to the mall with a friend without someone thinking that we met up with intentions of doing other things than strolling in the mall.
I want to be able to go up to the person I like and tell them how much I love it when we argue, and how much it pleases me so when we make up. It envigorates me when I see that person smile from far away. I love being able to snarl at that person and yet deep inside they know that I like them all the more.
That’s the place I’d like to be. But, alas, here I am frustrated that I am extremely far from that place. I feel like I’m a labrat, under a microscope where everyone is watching my every move, hoping that I would make a mistake or do something worthy of spreading to others who are just so willing to gobble it all up.
But, as I always think to myself at the end of every day. If you want it, go for it. Don’t hold back. And I always reply to my thoughts, “Easier said than done.”
-JP
The Woman In Yellow
By: Jan Paolo Recarro
I didn’t know her. She was a nameless face. Her name did not invoke any thoughts for me. In essence, she was nobody. She was simply, the Woman in Yellow.
That’s how I saw her then. Give me credit though; I was born the year of the EDSA Revolution. I left the Philippines too young to appreciate or recount anything I learned about Philippine History in school except of course for Jose Rizal. This Woman in Yellow was the image that would occupy my mind when hearing her name. Yet, when this woman passed away, a surge of emotions started to fill within me. I started to feel regret, regret that I had not invested more of my time to get to know this woman. I felt saddened, saddened by the loss of an icon, I felt inspired, inspired to know, to learn, and to make a change.
Tita Cory, as many had called her, is as much as an inspiration to me as she had been to Filipinos, and others the world over. My very little knowledge of her comes from, and thanks to, my parents’ stories, stories that were invigorating and awe-inspiring. My dad talked of the times of Martial Law. He spoke of the crimes committed and the corruption that ensued. I could imagine the freedom of our country being diminished day by day, and the only hope for it was shed in the tears of its citizens. My mother spoke of the days she marched in rallies alongside others who were seeking change and those whose hopes had not yet diminished. She was just pregnant with me then.
I didn’t realize it then, but I myself was part of that historical event. I was in the heat of it all, be it while in my mother’s womb. The stories were recounted to me through the years, but I did not find much interest in such topics. The Philippines that I had known as a young teenager had been that of a hopeless, diminished, poverty-stricken country. And I strongly felt that no one had done or can do anything to change that. I felt my parents were providing me with a blunt one-sided view of the country that they loved, a country that I, at the time, had no wish to return to. I tell you now I couldn’t have been more wrong.
As I grew older I started to feel a renewed a sense of patriotism to the country that welcomed me to the world. It was the country of my ancestors, of my family, of my early childhood. I started to read books, stories, watch documentaries, and googled and wiki-ed the Philippines and its telenovela-like history. It was right out of a bad soap opera plotline. The stories that caught my attention and drew me closer to loving the country I now call home were those that were told to me by my parents; the stories of Martial Law, of Ninoy Aquino and former President Corazon Aquino.
Ninoy Aquino became my hero. He became everything that I always hoped to be: successful, driven, passionate, loving, commanding, with journalistic tendencies and with a political idealism that many may have viewed futile and yet had the will and courage to stay the course. He was a political prisoner, something that I had, shamefully admitting now, always wanted to become. Moreover, his wife, the revolutionary leader of a passionate people, became more of an inspiration. I never had imagined the people of the Philippines to be of the passionate nature, loving their own. And yet, this Woman in Yellow, she was able to unite a crumbling opposition, inspire the citizens of a torn, shattered country to come together, and bring back democracy to the country that wept for it.
For me she symbolized what I did not think the Filipino had in them. She symbolized courage, a peace-loving nature and a pride for one’s own. To this day, she is a symbol of those things and many more. Behind her, Filipinos stood their ground against a tyrant who committed crimes of humanity against his own people to befit his own musings of the country he had come to pillage and destroy. She was an inspiration to us all, even myself, a young self-loathing cynic at the time. This Woman in Yellow, soft spoken and calm-mannered, it was she who gave me a free country to be born in. It was she who gave us a free country to love.
I will never forget what her and her husband has done for me, for my family and for our country. Today, regardless of where my travels have taken me, regardless of where I grew up, regardless of my citizenship, my passport, regardless of the friends I gained, the values, the morals, the language I speak, regardless of where I am or will be in the world, I can shout out loud to the world, because of her, that I am proud that I am Filipino, born and will die a Filipino.
My sincerest thanks and gratitude goes out to you, the Woman in Yellow.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were still with your first love? Have you ever thought about how it would make you feel and to this day are you still as caring for that person as you were back then?
This is my first post on my new home. Welcome everyone to jrecarro.i.ph. I really am new to all this and therefore am just experimenting to see what I can come up with. So let me start of with a little introduction. My name is Jan Paolo Recarro. You can call me Paolo, Pao, JP, Jay, whatever just don’t call me Jan. Please.
Welcome to my life.
One & Only,
JP
JP [Jan Paolo]
Hyped. Deranged. Artist Wannabe. Idealistic Realist. Madly in Love with Love.
I’ve only been in the Philippines for a short time but I really must say it’s an amazing country. Anyway, I’m just commenting here because I’m reading blogs about Manila. and found your site on google. If you can share any ideas on things I must do while in Manila then I’d love to hear them. Enjoy Holy Week!
@Chep: It’s much harder to leave someone that you still loved but couldn’t be with anymore, for one reason or another.
ano nga ba masakit yong iniwanan ka or ikaw umiwan kasi may dahilan ka at kailangan mo iwanan siya?
yey! i have an iph before. i love to blog too! hey papa P!
just drifted here…
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