Frustrated Once More

It’s frustrating when you can’t tell people how you really feel, when you can’t express that voice inside that’s dying to tell the whole world the secret it’s being forced to keep. Sometimes, there’s nothing anyone can do but stare into the sky, longing. We long for those days when it’s out in the open and you don’t care what that someone thinks, or what they will do when they find out. It seems like such a fantasyland though, and really all you can do is dream. We dream of that place where everything is alright. The place where both of you are happy and it doesn’t matter what everyone else is thinking about or what others want to say about it.

I used to be there. I want to go back to that place. I miss it.

People say that “bad publicity is better than no publicity at all”, I used to think that too. But I’m at that point that I’ve had enough of it. I want to be able to go up to someone and have a great conversation without people thinking that I was dating them. I want to be able to go to the mall with a friend without someone thinking that we met up with intentions of doing other things than strolling in the mall.

I want to be able to go up to the person I like and tell them how much I love it when we argue, and how much it pleases me so when we make up. It envigorates me when I see that person smile from far away. I love being able to snarl at that person and yet deep inside they know that I like them all the more.

That’s the place I’d like to be. But, alas, here I am frustrated that I am extremely far from that place. I feel like I’m a labrat, under a microscope where everyone is watching my every move, hoping that I would make a mistake or do something worthy of spreading to others who are just so willing to gobble it all up.

But, as I always think to myself at the end of every day. If you want it, go for it. Don’t hold back. And I always reply to my thoughts, “Easier said than done.”

-JP