Moving Out

Moving out is a difficult process. First, you have to be ready with the idea of leaving your home. Well, really I’m not living at home. Home for me is about a 14 hour flight away. I’ve been living in Manila now for a little more than 3 and a half years, and staying at my relatives’, specifically my grandpa’s place. 

It’s not so bad, but I already moved out once upon a time with a good friend of mine. Then he moved out, and I lived alone for some time, until a storm came, flooded the area I was living in (Thank God I was living, my apartment was on the second floor), and my wallet, cellphone, credit cards, ID’s and all my cash were all stolen from me. So…following that event, I decided to move out and move back to my Grandpa’s place.

But now, I really feel like I need to get out of here. I need something new. I need a place of my own, where I can bring friends over without them being scrutinized for the way they dress, the way they talk or the way that they carry themselves. I like my friends the way they are.  

So…if you know of a place, please tell me. I cannot wait to get out of here, seriously. It’s far from my school, far from work, far from anything I even remotely like. It’s traffic to get here, and traffic to get out. It always floods in the areas surrounding it, even with just the smallest amount of rain. 

But until, the time that I get to move out, find my own place and live independently, truly, I’ll dream about having a place like this: 

The Living Room:

The Bed Room:

The Kitchen: 

Here comes 2010

The first decade of the millenium has come and gone as we ring in the new year. I’m excited to see what 2010 has to offer me and the rest of the world. I’m sure it’s going to be an incredible ride whether good or bad.

2009 came with many blessings and many misfortunes. People came and people went whether I wanted them to or not. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by family and friends this past year. Many times, my relationships with them were tested, some failed but I’m happy to say most survived any distress. My family and I have become closer though we are now separated by an entire ocean. Though they are halfway around the world, I can still feel their support and their love as I made decisions that either made me or ripped me apart. They are the constant in my life that I know I can rely on no matter what.

My relationships with my friends this past year can be described as an array of heartfelt emotions. One of the friends I considered my closest friend had gone from my life. I always watched out for this one…let’s call him Best. I knew that I cared for this one a lot and I wanted to make sure that Best was always safe and that Best knew that I would always be there. This person made me smile more than anyone this past year. Those little text messages, the smile, and the laugh trips; those are things I will never forget.

I distanced myself from some of my friends choosing to face a lot of my troubles on my own to prove to myself that I don’t need them all the time. I needed to know that I wasn’t resting on my laurels. It brought me to the brink of total destruction as I made decisions that would in the end bring about a very close demise. Thankfully, before I dove into the deep end, my closest friends and allies were there to back up without me having to ask for their help. They were there regardless of my attempts to keep them shut out from my life.

A lot of my past also came back into the picture this past year. Two of the people who affected me the most in the past was thrust into my life once again. It was sudden and it was unexpected. I was not optimistic that things would turn out well. I assumed that we could never get back the relationships we used to have. But looking back now, I see that we became even closer to each other than we ever have before. #2 and I became close friends; something I didn’t know could happen. #1 and I were finally at peace and I didn’t realize that we could be closer than we already were and that we could get to know each other up to the level that we know each other now. I’m glad that we have become even more comfortable with each other.

But with all the fortunes I had with the people around me, there were misfortunes that struck my family, my friends and I. The storm “Ondoy” hit us like we never expected it to. Manilenos alike never saw it coming. We were far too occupied with our petty lives to even imagine such a thing could devestate us so. I for one have never experienced such disaster let alone know so many people who went through the exact same things. I used to just watch the news about such tragedies and think to myself, “that’s sad” without really fully understanding the impact that it had on the peoples’ lives. Now I know how it feels.

Now it’s time for a new year. Let’s let go of the past, learn from our mistakes and live our lives to the fullest. Let’s welcome change into our lives and open our minds to new experiences that could make us better people.

I’m ready for 2010 and I can’t wait to see what it has to offer. Come and join me on this roller-coaster ride.

Better

Sometimes, I have this feeling that I can achieve so much more. And well, today it occured to me that I can. I have never had troubles getting exactly whatever it is I wanted. For some odd reason, everything came oh so easily for me. Luck seems to find it’s way whenever I needed it the most. People always talk about tragedies that have happened in their lives. They talk of the struggles of growing up, the struggles of fitting in, the struggles of finding work, the struggles of paying for school, paying for this and that. It’s just now that I realized that I have it extremely lucky. I am one of those people who complain about stupid things and then realize later on how petty it really was. I mean, it’s true, I admit it. I am a whiner. I whine all the time about the most random, insignifcant thing that pops into my head. Perhaps it annoys people. It would annoy me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as of this moment, I have not proven anything to myself or the world. While others have risen from poverty, others have faced discrimination, friends have talked of sorrows of their lost loved ones, and families that have been torn apart. From left to right, I am surrounded by people who have proven time and time again that they can persevere through the hardships that they may face. I haven’t faced any hardships, none that are note-worthy, anyway.

I’m not saying I haven’t achieved a lot. I think I’ve achieved plenty for a young age of 22, but I just don’t feel as though I have proven I can stand up there with those that have had obstacles along the way. Throughout my school years, I never had any struggles academically or when it came to friends. I always had top marks, went on to take the IB program. That was a struggle, yes, probably my most difficult times academically, but I saw it through. When I look back at it though, all I can think of was that it was just high school.

Friends came and they went. I had a number of them and so I didn’t mind. I never really had someone who left me and thought, wow, that’s devastating. I understood that people change as time goes by. And in turn, everytime I lost touch with someone, I gained two more. I never had the awkward phase that many people claim they had in school. That stage where they felt as though they were a loner, or unpopular.

With my family life, I’m blessed. I have two loving parents both dedicated in making sure that their kids’ futures are set. I have a brother who is forgiving, two sisters who keep me grounded despite it all. They’re all supportive of the decisions I make and are there to tell me off when they know that I’ve done something wrong. I couldn’t ask for more from them. They have given me everything, their patience, their love, their care, and their unending support for the choices, although unpopular, that I have made within these past few years.

My mother was willing to let me live in a foreign country, well, foreign to me anyway, and spend the first two years of my twenties away from them. My father has bought my tickets to and from Calgary each time I decide I want to travel and leave. They are always there financially when I need it. Sometimes, I don’t need it, I just want it. Heck, I lie, most of the time I don’t need it and yet they still provide for me financially. I need to stop.

Some people paid for their own education. I got through because of scholarships and parents’ money. Some people pay for their own housing, throughout university, my parents paid for my dorm, my meals, my books, my tuition and my allowance. Now, I live at the family home in the Philippines and my parents had paid for the electricity, the water, the food, the phone bills, the internet and all that good stuff. Although, to my credit, lately, I have been paying for most of my own things.

I am not like others who have had to save money to get by. I’ve always been the type to have it when I need it. And people have told me that I’m fiscally irresponsible. I agree with them 100%.

My health has been impeccable. I’ve never even had a broken bone before. I have no disabilities, or abnormalities that deter me from doing things that I want and need to do. I can up and do whatever I want when I want.

There is no despair in me. Maybe that’s why people see me as cold-hearted sometimes. I just don’t understand where they’re coming from and why they feel the certain way that they do. Sometimes when people tell their stories of dismay and troubles, I tend to hush up because I don’t know the right way to react. I also admit that sometimes it’s not a matter of “I don’t understand” but rather of “I don’t care”. I know that seems harsh, but I’m just giving you the harsh truth.

Perhaps after I’ve gone through something that will really change my life, something that will really alter the face of my reality. Perhaps that will be the time that I can feel what others feel. Maybe that’s when I will appreciate the value of friendship and comraderie. It may even be the time that I appreciate the value of money.

Although I don’t wish myself any hardship, though I’m sure no one lives without it, I just hope that one day I too can confident in saying that I have surpassed an extremely difficult obstacle in my life. I want to be able to tell people that I’m not just good, but rather, I’m BETTER.